Laughing at funny foreigners

As much as I hate to laugh at people who can’t speak English, and I do find broken English incredibly adorable when I’m speaking to my European friends, I have to admit to moments where I’ve had to stop what I am doing because I’m laughing to hard.

I don’t mean having to learn north, south, east, west, left, right, front, behind in Romanian and Ukrainian because my friends get very confused (re drunk) playing an online game.

From experience I find the Romanians to be the most hilarious, and they pick up words from films and television and then write the words out phonetically, for example, ‘health’ will be typed as ‘healph’ , ‘heapf’ or ‘helfph.’

For extra lulz, ask them to pronouce a word that end in ‘th.’ That sound isn’t in the Romanian language so asking one to say ‘teeth’ leads to much amusement on my part as their tongue does gymnastics to get that sound and leads to a conversion of shouting ‘teeth’ being repeated a lot.

So rewind a few weeks, and I was talking to my friends on TeamSpeak while playing Armored Warfare with Romanian friends. We somehow got onto the subject of tattoos, as one of their girlfriends wanted to get one of a ‘dan-dill-lee-on.’ There was a short pause as I tried to make sense of this mangled word. ‘A what?’  ‘A dan-dill-lee-on. You know the… er… plant you blow on (cue a ear shattering sound as he blows into the microphone) and er… floating things.’ Oh you mean a dandelion. ‘Yes dan-dill-lee-on.’ I had to walk away because I was laughing so much, right in the middle of a game.

‘Sorry I disconnect. Fuck-king Were-les.’ No, it is ‘why-er-less.’

‘Wee-Fee’ when he means ‘why-fi.’

Just stop speaking English until you can speak it properly you daft twat 🙂

Oh you know I’m joking my dear friends.

Salut România!

I’ve been invited to Romania 😀 Again. Long weekend in Timișoara and Bucharest.

My drunken WoT friends have invited me over for a long weekend sometime in December, and while I wait with bated breath to find out what hotel they’re going to dump me in, I’ve been checking out flights.

My lazy approach was to go from Exeter to Paris and then Paris to Bucharest which will cost about £500. Ok, I wasn’t expecting it to be cheap… until I looked at the prices from Stansted flying by RyanAir (yes I know, Buddy Holly airlines would be more reliable) and it turned out to be *drumroll please* £100. What the fuck? Unless it costs £400 to get to London, decision made.

Of course telling my parents I was going to Romania I got the “they’re all criminals” shit that UKIP spout out, but to be fair my Romanian friends are too drunk most of the time to play a simple game so if you’re looking for gangs of master criminals you’ve got the wrong people 😀

And then there’s the wife, I wonder what she’ll say muhahaha

Devon is a spooky hotspot. Really?

Yes I shit you not, this is front page news on This is Exeter. I know fuck all happens down here, but seriously.

“Nine cases [of vampires] have been spotted in the county over the last century – more than in Dracula’s homeland of Transylvania.”

So Romanian’s only reported seeing eight vampires, while nine Devonians should be locked up for their own protection. FFS.

It gets better though,

“A total of 211 cases were reported across Britain, many resulting in police investigations.”

*rubs eyes* Did I just read that? These 211 people, who we could do without on this planet, phone the emergency services and said “I’ve seen a vampire”… and the police turned up. What the fucking fuck! “Arm yourself with garlic Bob, this could be a bad one.”

facepalm-single

Famed “expert” Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe, says “our research suggests that the UK harbours more vampires than Transylvania.” Might I venture the opinion that is shows that Romanians know vampires are fucking fiction and are less gullible that the UK?

Rule 34

This is from a discussion last night, when my good friend J stated they were wearing Snoopy pyjamas. Given the nature of most discussions I have with people, I stated that Rule 34 of the internet will soon be invoked. “Rule 34? What’s that?” Glad you asked. Rule 34 states : “if it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.” Not of Snoopy surely, she pleads, who loved Snoopy in her childhood? Yes, even Snoopy is a dirty little bastard in the sick minds of internet users.

Someone thought this was a good idea, and then drew it.

Believe me, this is one of the milder images I could have posted! But maybe that’s just a one off? Well let’s piss on her cornflakes some more and look for … oh I don’t know… Minnie Mouse 🙂

So this quick blog post illustrates two things.

  1. How weird my conversations are with my friends
  2. How fucked up some people are in the internet.