Laughing at funny foreigners

As much as I hate to laugh at people who can’t speak English, and I do find broken English incredibly adorable when I’m speaking to my European friends, I have to admit to moments where I’ve had to stop what I am doing because I’m laughing to hard.

I don’t mean having to learn north, south, east, west, left, right, front, behind in Romanian and Ukrainian because my friends get very confused (re drunk) playing an online game.

From experience I find the Romanians to be the most hilarious, and they pick up words from films and television and then write the words out phonetically, for example, ‘health’ will be typed as ‘healph’ , ‘heapf’ or ‘helfph.’

For extra lulz, ask them to pronouce a word that end in ‘th.’ That sound isn’t in the Romanian language so asking one to say ‘teeth’ leads to much amusement on my part as their tongue does gymnastics to get that sound and leads to a conversion of shouting ‘teeth’ being repeated a lot.

So rewind a few weeks, and I was talking to my friends on TeamSpeak while playing Armored Warfare with Romanian friends. We somehow got onto the subject of tattoos, as one of their girlfriends wanted to get one of a ‘dan-dill-lee-on.’ There was a short pause as I tried to make sense of this mangled word. ‘A what?’  ‘A dan-dill-lee-on. You know the… er… plant you blow on (cue a ear shattering sound as he blows into the microphone) and er… floating things.’ Oh you mean a dandelion. ‘Yes dan-dill-lee-on.’ I had to walk away because I was laughing so much, right in the middle of a game.

‘Sorry I disconnect. Fuck-king Were-les.’ No, it is ‘why-er-less.’

‘Wee-Fee’ when he means ‘why-fi.’

Just stop speaking English until you can speak it properly you daft twat 🙂

Oh you know I’m joking my dear friends.

Last word on the fucktard. FINALLY

fuck-you-mickey

So fucktard, you thought I’d let you get away with having the last word did you? Not in this fucking life you don’t.

So my reaction to your refusal to remove me from your friends list was a surprise to you was it? Really? The two days of me asking you repeatedly didn’t ring any bells in your mind? Or me telling you to “fuck off” every night for a week? You’re either a liar or stupid. I suspect both, but being the poor hapless victim is what you’re best at isn’t it Tereza?

Did you think I was joking about it then? You thought I was just tormenting you for fun? That really I wanted to be your best buddy in your sick and twisted mind? You fucking fucktard.

Now, if you did what asked EIGHT FUCKING WEEKS AGO, and remember you said you had done it as you made a big song and fucking dance about it, I wouldn’t have to go to such lengths of being a complete cunt to you.

And if you didn’t say “nah” repeatedly when I asked you over the last TWO FUCKING WEEKS, this wouldn’t have happened either.

If you didn’t disturb me on my fucking holiday, about some fucking argument you and J were having, that was abso-FUCKING-lutely nothing to do with me, I wouldn’t have been so angry at you.

And then you have the nerve to turn around and say you didn’t realise how much this meant to me. HAHAHAHA! Bullshit!

Looks familiar doesn't it Tereza? Sure it's just a coincidence
Looks familiar doesn’t it Tereza? Sure it’s just a coincidence

You changed your mind because YOU saw YOUR name on this blog because I called you a racist fucktard. You selfish little fucker, the world just has to revolve around you doesn’t it?

And you wonder why you have so many relationship problems…. it’s never your fault is it? It’s always someone else’s fault. Poor little Tereza, so hard done by in life. GOOD! You fucking deserve it.

Make no fucking mistake about what I think of you, or rather how little I think of you. I can’t fucking stand the fucking sight of you.

Good riddance to you, you lying, two faced, lazy, selfish, backstabbing, manipulative little cunt. I truly hope you get EVERYTHING you deserve, and trust me, that’s not a compliment.

Edit: I got an email in April 2016 from someone asking who the fucktard is. Given that his IP address was from Cleveland, Ohio, I suspect it was her boyfriend, well boyfriend last time I spoke to the fucknut anyway. Strangely enough, I’ve not received a reply from them.

Salut România!

I’ve been invited to Romania 😀 Again. Long weekend in Timișoara and Bucharest.

My drunken WoT friends have invited me over for a long weekend sometime in December, and while I wait with bated breath to find out what hotel they’re going to dump me in, I’ve been checking out flights.

My lazy approach was to go from Exeter to Paris and then Paris to Bucharest which will cost about £500. Ok, I wasn’t expecting it to be cheap… until I looked at the prices from Stansted flying by RyanAir (yes I know, Buddy Holly airlines would be more reliable) and it turned out to be *drumroll please* £100. What the fuck? Unless it costs £400 to get to London, decision made.

Of course telling my parents I was going to Romania I got the “they’re all criminals” shit that UKIP spout out, but to be fair my Romanian friends are too drunk most of the time to play a simple game so if you’re looking for gangs of master criminals you’ve got the wrong people 😀

And then there’s the wife, I wonder what she’ll say muhahaha

Devon is a spooky hotspot. Really?

Yes I shit you not, this is front page news on This is Exeter. I know fuck all happens down here, but seriously.

“Nine cases [of vampires] have been spotted in the county over the last century – more than in Dracula’s homeland of Transylvania.”

So Romanian’s only reported seeing eight vampires, while nine Devonians should be locked up for their own protection. FFS.

It gets better though,

“A total of 211 cases were reported across Britain, many resulting in police investigations.”

*rubs eyes* Did I just read that? These 211 people, who we could do without on this planet, phone the emergency services and said “I’ve seen a vampire”… and the police turned up. What the fucking fuck! “Arm yourself with garlic Bob, this could be a bad one.”

facepalm-single

Famed “expert” Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe, says “our research suggests that the UK harbours more vampires than Transylvania.” Might I venture the opinion that is shows that Romanians know vampires are fucking fiction and are less gullible that the UK?

Rule 34

This is from a discussion last night, when my good friend J stated they were wearing Snoopy pyjamas. Given the nature of most discussions I have with people, I stated that Rule 34 of the internet will soon be invoked. “Rule 34? What’s that?” Glad you asked. Rule 34 states : “if it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.” Not of Snoopy surely, she pleads, who loved Snoopy in her childhood? Yes, even Snoopy is a dirty little bastard in the sick minds of internet users.

Someone thought this was a good idea, and then drew it.

Believe me, this is one of the milder images I could have posted! But maybe that’s just a one off? Well let’s piss on her cornflakes some more and look for … oh I don’t know… Minnie Mouse 🙂

So this quick blog post illustrates two things.

  1. How weird my conversations are with my friends
  2. How fucked up some people are in the internet.

What the fucking fuck just happened?

I was just having a conversation with a friend fucktard and erm… Well, I had to step away from my computer because I was so fucking angry I would not want to be responsible for my actions. Not sure if it was me over-reacting as usual.

The back story to the conversation was that I was on the phone to a company in America to get some IP addresses of their payment gateway API, so I could allow them to talk to a locked down web site.

I just happened to remark that I can’t bear the southern states accent, a bunch of rednecks. Anyway, the conversation continued for a bit and then my “friend” said this. I’ve done it as a screenshot as the idea of typing it out makes me physically sick.

The racist cunt
I’ve blurred the image not to protect the fucknut, though why is a mystery isn’t it Tereza Costisanu?

Now, I know I have issues dealing with people, but I like to think I’m a fair person, treating everyone equally, not giving a fucking about colour, race, religion, sexuality, etc. This has just appalled me. They said it to me once before but I let it go as their English being crap, so it could have been a typo. Yes, how naive am I?

But as I said, I had to step away from the computer and have a cigarette to calm myself down when I saw it. I showed it to a couple work colleagues, and they just confirmed to me what I should do. I knew what the right thing for me to do was, just double checking. So bye bye, blocked.

My shrink says I should write down things that stress the crap out of me, so that’s what this is.



Edit: Fucknut messaged me to remove her name from this post as she got a job in a coffee shop in Bucharest and her colleagues Googled her and found she was a racist. Still makes me laugh that.

Edit again: Apparently I was being “oversensitive” and taking what was said “too seriously.” Also, the fucktard didn’t know what the word meant, although that didn’t stop her using the word many times when she was a camwhore hostess. I was her English teacher as well, apparently, so it’s my fault for not pointing out her mistake, instead of writing this blog post about it. Suggesting that even if you changed the N word with “black”, it’s still an appalling thing to say. Ah well, fuck it. I can live without this fucktard in my life thank you very much.

Edit once more: I’ve just been informed by a friend of mine that this fucktard “doesn’t like you.” GOOD! I can’t stand her either, but that won’t stop the narcissistic fuck visiting this page.

Edit finally: Someone pointed out she has a LinkedIn profile now. And if any employer out there is wondering what she was up to in those missing three years on her, I have the photos and videos of her previous employment. Yours for $5,000 😛