The Ladybird Book of The Policeman

I’ve just discovered this from 2009 in my USB hard disk, and it seems too good not to share it with the rest of the world.

I can remember reading these Ladybird books as a kid in primary school.

Game over for Grand Theft Auto Rothbury

Raoul Moat - Armed, dangerous and ginger

This is actually quite tragic and not Raoul Moat-ly funny.

Oh dear. The enjoyment of seeing the Keystone Cops police running around the countryside looking for Raoul Moat is over after he killed himself.

It brings to an end a week of tragedy for the relatives of those involved, but also a week of blanket media coverage.

Any Tom, Dick or Harry with a link to Raoul Moat, no matter how tenuous, wheeled out in front the TV cameras or interviewed by the newspapers, to give their half-arsed psychological profiling of this man, who they met once. Or twice. Ten years ago. Hurray for journalism.

For example, Yvette Foreman crawled out of the woodwork to get her name in the news. She spent weekends camping with him when the pair were both were in their 20’s. In their 20’s? Now let’s see Raoul was 37 so that was 17 years ago. And do you know what she said? This is priceless.

From the BBC News web site:

She said her ex-boyfriend had been a “lovely lad” and a practical joker who was “daft as a brush”.

Yes, thanks love that really helps.

From the Telegraph quoting another attention seeker, Mr Herdman.

“I saw him running along that wall and open the greenhouse door. I was looking out of the landing window and saw him distinctly,” he said.

“He was wearing dark clothing, he was crouching down behind the wall trying to hide himself.”

When Mr Herdman’s friend returned to inspect the greenhouse he noticed that the only ripe tomato in his crop had disappeared.

Three murders and the theft of a tomato. Quick lock the bastard up¡

But it doesn’t take an ordinary member of the public to make a twat of themselves, a celebrity can do it just as effectively. Enter Paul Gascoigne, who in a moment of genius turns up during negotions with…

can of lager, some chicken, a mobile phone and something to keep warm

Yeah, alcohol is exactly what he needs right now. But Gazza, what else can you do to help?

I just want to give him some therapy and say ‘come on Moaty, it’s Gazza’.

He is alright – simply as that and I am willing to help him. I have come all the way from Newcastle to Rothbury to find him, have a chat with him.

Excuse me, I just have to ROTFLMAO a second.

I guarantee, Moaty, he won’t shoot me. I am good friends with him.

Shame.

Police shooting a Tazer. I have the same face having a shit

Some bozo thought a 24 hour news channel would be a great idea, but when there’s fuck all else happening, you have to pad this shit out for as long as possible. In the case of Sky and ITV, you also throw in as much sensationalist bullshit as possible.

If you don’t have any concrete news, why not speculate? The BBC says:

Unconfirmed reports suggested a friend of Moat was also brought inside the police cordon to try to persuade him to surrender

It’s pathetic.

Anyway, that’s my rant over with, I’ll leave you with something more interesting about this story.

Raoul moat – the 24th englishman not to get to the end of the World Cup finals.

What the fuck is this… McCann News day or something?

I guess with 20,000 pages of information released by the police, it was only a matter of time before we were saturated once again with snippets of sensationalised news.

Amsterdam

There’s a sighting in Amsterdam of a girl who said she was called Maddie, that she was taken away while on holiday and that the woman she was with isn’t her mother.

Sounds almost too good to be true doesn’t it, and the CCTV pictures, it doesn’t look much like her either which makes the headline “I chatted to Maddie” at best an exaggeration.

Garage

Next up is CCTV pictures the day after she went missing in a petrol station just outside the town she magically vanished off the face of the planet.

It was shown to the McCanns who said it wasn’t their daughter.

So that’s nothing special either is it, the fact it wasn’t made public is irrelevant.

Letter

Then there is the news that the mother sent a letter to police.

I’ve always been amazed that the McCann’s had a spokesman. What the…? Well anyway, he said that it was “tragic” that this kind of evidence has only now been issued. Why? What possible use could it have been to anyone? Other than alert the people, even it was Maddie involved.

These are just three stories from the press today. I really don’t see what the fuss is about. It must be quiet news day at the Daily Mail, so taking minor things and blowing them out of all proportion the news apparently.

This media frenzy is sickening, and I lost any interest in it a long, long time ago. Now I’m just bemused on how much longer this is going to be padded out for!

I wonder why you didn’t answer these Kate?

It’s only Monday, and already some fascinating information is coming out of the police files about the disappearance of Madeline McCann.

The most interesting so far is a list of 48 questions that Kate McCann didn’t answer during the marathon 11 hour police questioning.

Let’s see if refusing to answer these questions would make the police a little suspicious.

  • How long did your search of the apartment take after you detected your daughter Madeleine’s disappearance?
  • Why did you say from the start that Madeleine had been abducted?
  • Why did you go and warn your friends instead of shouting from the verandah?
  • What does “we let her down” mean?
  • When the sniffer dog also marked human blood behind the sofa, did you say you couldn’t explain any more than you already had?
  • When the sniffer dog marked the scent of corpse coming from the vehicle you hired a month after the disappearance, did you say you couldn’t explain any more than you already had?
  • When human blood was marked in the boot of the vehicle, did you say you couldn’t explain any more than you already had?
  • When confronted with the results of Maddie’s DNA, whose analysis was carried out in a British laboratory, collected from behind the sofa and the boot of the vehicle, did you say you couldn’t explain any more than you already had?

Those are perfectly reasonable questions of the police to ask, if not just to exclude the parents from involvement.

The most telling question she didn’t answer was:

Did you have any responsibility or intervention in your daughter’s disappearance?

Very strange, and don’t give me that traumatised bollocks, she didn’t look it when she marched around the fucking resort with that bloody bunny!

I can see why the Portuguese police made them suspects.