The Irish

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture  of my wife.

They said, “Is this your  wife, sir?”

Shocked, I answered, ” Yes.”

They said, “I’m afraid it looks  like she’s been hit by a bus.”

I said,  “I  know, but she has a lovely personality.” 

Cellulite thighs

The wife said to me the other day “I don’t like the cellulite on my thighs. It’s depressing me.”

So I told her “You shouldn’t worry about it love, your saggy fucking belly covers them anyway!”