Devon is a spooky hotspot. Really?

Yes I shit you not, this is front page news on This is Exeter. I know fuck all happens down here, but seriously.

“Nine cases [of vampires] have been spotted in the county over the last century – more than in Dracula’s homeland of Transylvania.”

So Romanian’s only reported seeing eight vampires, while nine Devonians should be locked up for their own protection. FFS.

It gets better though,

“A total of 211 cases were reported across Britain, many resulting in police investigations.”

*rubs eyes* Did I just read that? These 211 people, who we could do without on this planet, phone the emergency services and said “I’ve seen a vampire”… and the police turned up. What the fucking fuck! “Arm yourself with garlic Bob, this could be a bad one.”

facepalm-single

Famed “expert” Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe, says “our research suggests that the UK harbours more vampires than Transylvania.” Might I venture the opinion that is shows that Romanians know vampires are fucking fiction and are less gullible that the UK?

You park like a cunt #2

I know the cunt that parks his poncey Mercedes like a cunt, I used to work for him so I know he’s a cunt. But he’s a bigger cunt now, as only this fucker could park so badly as to take up four car parking spaces. Well done you grade ‘A’ cunt.

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You park like a cunt #1

A quick trip with a work colleague to PC World to look at Microsoft Surface’s, which are going cheap at the moment and we spot a disabled plumber. Maybe this one isn’t a cunt, maybe he is actually disabled but fuck that, it’s a blog post damn it.

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Rule 34

This is from a discussion last night, when my good friend J stated they were wearing Snoopy pyjamas. Given the nature of most discussions I have with people, I stated that Rule 34 of the internet will soon be invoked. “Rule 34? What’s that?” Glad you asked. Rule 34 states : “if it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.” Not of Snoopy surely, she pleads, who loved Snoopy in her childhood? Yes, even Snoopy is a dirty little bastard in the sick minds of internet users.

Someone thought this was a good idea, and then drew it.

Believe me, this is one of the milder images I could have posted! But maybe that’s just a one off? Well let’s piss on her cornflakes some more and look for … oh I don’t know… Minnie Mouse 🙂

So this quick blog post illustrates two things.

  1. How weird my conversations are with my friends
  2. How fucked up some people are in the internet.

Euro elections 2014

Looks like I should speed up my learning of German just in case those cunts at UKIP or Tory tossers win the next general election outright.

UKIP’s new posters unveiled

UKIP have unveiled new posters to promote their usual xenophobic scare tactics.

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Sadly, the gullible in this country seem to think Nigel Farage can shit miracles and will believe any crap the Daily Mail prints. If that rag was around, here’s some more headlines from British history.

43AD Bloody Italians, coming over here taking our jobs (that’s the Roman invasion for stupid people)

441AD Bloody Germans and Danes, coming over here taking our jobs (that’s the Anglo-Saxon invasion for ignorant people)

865AD Bloody Scandinavians, coming over here taking our jobs (that’s the Viking invasion for simpleminded people)

1066AD Bloody French, coming over here taking our jobs (that’s the Norman invasion for vacuous people)

1950AD Bloody Jamaican and Pakistanis, coming over here taking our jobs (that’s the Commonwealth wave of immigration to make up the shortfall in British labour because of the Second World War for imbecilic people)

2014AD Bloody *insert any country in the world you xenophobic fucks*, coming over here taking our jobs (that’s Daily Mail employees who write their front pages)

Just how shit at your job, or how incompetent are you, that someone maybe from another country, who maybe can’t speak English, is a better candidate than YOU, an English speaker?

Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t with the people who just want a better standard of living (and you wouldn’t do the same if the roles were reversed)

World of Tanks: I would if I could, but I can’t

But what really boils my piss more than anything else is those fuckers who give you great bits of advice like “pull back”, when you’re caught out in the open, tracks blown and surrounded by three enemy tanks.

Oh yeah, where the fuck shall I move with my seven health left, and seven second repair counter?

Wanker.

And then they have the audacity to call me a “noob.”

World of Tanks: You’re a scout not a kamikaze

And while I’m in a ranting mood about World of Tanks, or rather copying and pasting stuff I’ve had written for weeks without post…

You’re trying to hard when you claim to be spotting for us, race up the map and die ten seconds later and then blame everyone else for your idiocy.

A good scout, that is a scout that does die in seconds of a game starting, will go PARTIALLY up the map, FIND COVER and stay there and not FUCKING firing, there by giving away your position.

It’s not rocket surgery.

Duh.