Laughing at funny foreigners

As much as I hate to laugh at people who can’t speak English, and I do find broken English incredibly adorable when I’m speaking to my European friends, I have to admit to moments where I’ve had to stop what I am doing because I’m laughing to hard.

I don’t mean having to learn north, south, east, west, left, right, front, behind in Romanian and Ukrainian because my friends get very confused (re drunk) playing an online game.

From experience I find the Romanians to be the most hilarious, and they pick up words from films and television and then write the words out phonetically, for example, ‘health’ will be typed as ‘healph’ , ‘heapf’ or ‘helfph.’

For extra lulz, ask them to pronouce a word that end in ‘th.’ That sound isn’t in the Romanian language so asking one to say ‘teeth’ leads to much amusement on my part as their tongue does gymnastics to get that sound and leads to a conversion of shouting ‘teeth’ being repeated a lot.

So rewind a few weeks, and I was talking to my friends on TeamSpeak while playing Armored Warfare with Romanian friends. We somehow got onto the subject of tattoos, as one of their girlfriends wanted to get one of a ‘dan-dill-lee-on.’ There was a short pause as I tried to make sense of this mangled word. ‘A what?’  ‘A dan-dill-lee-on. You know the… er… plant you blow on (cue a ear shattering sound as he blows into the microphone) and er… floating things.’ Oh you mean a dandelion. ‘Yes dan-dill-lee-on.’ I had to walk away because I was laughing so much, right in the middle of a game.

‘Sorry I disconnect. Fuck-king Were-les.’ No, it is ‘why-er-less.’

‘Wee-Fee’ when he means ‘why-fi.’

Just stop speaking English until you can speak it properly you daft twat 🙂

Oh you know I’m joking my dear friends.

Computers in Hollywood, never realistic… but fucking Jurassic Park is the worst.

You have a Velociraptor bashing (no pun intended) at the door, you need to lock the doors quick as it’s only Sam Neill holding the nasty little fucks back.

So what method do you think the brains behind Jurassic Park decided would be the best way to secure a big fucking metal door.

  1. A fucking lock on the door?
  2. A switch next to the door to lock it?
  3. A fucking archaic Unix graphic file browser where you have a 3D representation of the file structure, and you have to find the program to lock the doors?

Of course, it’s number three. For fuck’s sake.

Just interested in where the fire alarm is, the parent folder?

It is actually a real piece of software called FSN, or Fusion by Silicon Graphics.

Tomorrow you wake up as the opposite sex. What’s the first thing you’ll do?

This came up today on my Facebook page.

44e3c63d0a6152896fd0e3127b014b7d

I just happened to mention it in work this afternoon during the “funny hour” that seems to happen from 3pm to 4pm.

In the blink of an eye, without any break in silence, someone, and she will rename nameless, shouted out “have a wank!”

I was in tears of laughter as it was unexpected from someone who is apparently so professional.

 

The dangers of listening to The Living Dinosaur in work

I’ve ripped The Living Dinosaur‘s Holy Hallucinations series to MP3 so I can listen to them while working.

It’s just because he rips a new arsehole for everyone he crosses, he makes me chuckle away to myself.

However, listening to Holy Hallucinations 17 in work, I got to this point and laughed out loud in the office. He’s replying to some prick about how great the human species is, and then lists superior aspects of other species.

And this is the bit that made me laugh.

It just so happened that I started laughing just as a developer turned around, so I’ve made him a little paranoid 🙂